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Supreme Court’s “Citizens United” Ruling Finally Equitable? Letter Urges Texas to Execute Corporations like Individuals | Robot Butt
October, 2024
This satirical list posits a thinking citizen writing to the Texas Attorney General to request that by executing corporations “for crimes against humanity,” the #1 state in executing citizens would finally demonstrate that the 2010 Supreme Court’s “Citizen’s United” ruling was not just a culture warrior move to loosen any shackles on Big Business to oppress individual citizens.
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https://www.robotbutt.com/2024/08/28/gonzo-nostradamus-foretells-trump-fear-and-loathing-when-the-going-gets-tough-the-weird-turn-pro/
August, 2024
Like a modern Nostradamus, was Gonzo New Journalist Hunter S. Thompson, who came to fame in the Age of Aquarius, prophetic in famous quotes that anticipated the Weirdness and Fear and Loathing during Trump’s Age of Nefarious?
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Hard to Miss Olympic Lessons from French Pole Vaulter ‘s Snag: Everyday BIG Problems for Other BIG Packaged Males
August, 2024
Pole Vaulter infamously defaulted on jump when his “package” knocked the bar off he would have otherwise cleared. This tongue-in-cheek list highlights everyday BIG problems for others with BIG packages.
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https://www.robotbutt.com/2024/07/07/welcome-to-my-2024-urban-neighborhood/
July, 2024
Tongue-in-cheek survey for new denizens of 2024 urban neighborhoods.
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https://www.robotbutt.com/2024/03/30/real-march-madness-diaper-dandy-nil-investment-opportunities/
March, 2024
Name, Image, and Likeness opportunities from a real “Diaper Dandy,” the toddler son of a superstar (SOS).
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https://www.robotbutt.com/2023/08/31/twitters-now-x-the-ys-and-zs-of-corporate-rebrands-more-puzzling-branding-strategies-impacting-american-consumers/
August, 2023
The insufferable Elon Musk made Rebranded Twitter as X (his signature?); Some other similar rebrands that we might read about shortly.
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https://www.robotbutt.com/2023/08/05/visiting-the-old-sod-things-not-to-say-or-do-in-an-irish-catholic-pub/
August, 2023
“Avoid Taking Shite or Being Told to Feck Off” What You Have to Avoid Doing or Saying in an Authentic Irish Catholic Pub.
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http://glossynews.com/science-and-technology/computers-and-technology/202302200655/whos-your-daddy-and-more-security-verification-questions-choices-with-a-contemporary-edge-for-2023-users/
February, 2023
Contemporary questions to verify you are who you are!
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http://glossynews.com/society/crime/202211230556/more-presidential-campaign-announcements-tweeted-from-the-donald-today-and-the-next-50-years/
November, 2022
If he had his way, would Trump, in his heart of hearts (assuming he has one), set up a royal dynasty since clearly democracy’s no big deal to him?
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http://glossynews.com/topstories/202208160657/twentysomething-trumper-pick-up-lines-courting-foxy-babes-to-make-america-grate-again/
August, 2022
Why would twentysomething young American men support Trump? Maybe they think sexist piggish pickup lines have been legitimized by their MAGA, in-your-face role model.
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April, 2022
Interesting match-ups based on their loathing of each other, roles played, spouses shared, or other fun nuances.
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Taking Stadium Naming Rights in Vain: Can We Outdo L.A.’s The Crypt? – Glossy News Satire
November, 2021
Staples Center in L.A. was bad enough, but now Angelinos have “The Crypt” to go to with this week’s announcement that the home of the Lakers and Clippers will be renamed the Crypto.com Arena.
Bad stadium and arena names, mostly funded by corporate sponsors, already abound. In 2013, Florida Atlantic University announced it would name its stadium after GEO, a privately owned multinational prison corporation. After numerous protests, the two parties backed away. Maybe the University wasn’t ready to have the home of their Owls called “Owlcatraz,” as pundits christened it. With the Crypt’s opening, here are other possibilities we may see with potential nicknames or taglines.
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July, 2021
It’s more fun watching a sporting event with a rooting interest. For team sports in the 2021 Olympics, especially if you can’t place a wager and get bummed by empty venues, you might look for team names to find your choice. National soccer, basketball, and rugby teams sport colorful nicknames, sometimes official, sometimes legitimated by fan bases, and often differing from that country’s other national teams.
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Plan Ahead: Using Your Covid-19 Masks in a Post-Pandemic World – Glossy News Satire
June, 2021
All versions: N95, surgical, cloth, conical, single/double strapped – Maybe a bit early. Stay safe!
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Cash for Tats – Glossy News Satire
May, 2021
A Croatian soccer player recently got paid to tattoo a product endorsement on his body. NASCAR driver outfits look like walking billboards, and other American sports have added uniform advertising.
Athletes who show skin while performing might want to cash in themselves. Product naming rights for an arm or a leg matched with a sports personage’s name or nickname should reap bigtime cash for tats. Imagine these athletic tats.
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Apple Memo – Marketing iPhones to Other Species: – Glossy News Satire
April, 2021
Apple’s R&D department, with almost every person in the world owning a smartphone, are seeking potential buyers among other species. The features, apps, and uses that might sell those species on such a device, and a succinct summary of the benefit to them.
April, 2021
As a former Principal, I really had fun with coming up with outrageous reminders to returning faculty after Zoom teaching months. In real life, I had nothing but admiration for so many dedicated teachers.
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Memo from S.F. School Board: Now Changing Book Titles Instead of School Names – Glossy News Satire
February, 2021
S.F. School Board’s suggestion to change 44 school names brings a response suggesting “cleaning up” names of great works of literature too. Moby Dick, for example, would become Moby Genitalia.
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2050’s Online Pub Trivia Night: Trivia Questions about 2020 America – Glossy News Satire
December, 2020
2050 promises to be a great year as we celebrate from here at what has recently become our coastal pub with another crowd-pleasing Trivia Night. 2050’s New Year’s questions will look back on a very different year, 2020.
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December, 2020
The contingency if Covid-19 prevents teams from playing in Bowl games, this plan would match the best named Movie against best named TV Series gridiron teams, with Comic teams bowl-eligible on the TV Series selection side. Nintendo video game designers will secretly cull football sequences from films, series or strips to fashion games for America to watch and, most importantly, BET.
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Trump’s Next Job: Transitioning from Current POTUS GIG – Glossy News Satire
October, 2020
Assuming he hasn’t started a Civil War and isn’t in jail, ex-President Trump, with money owed to God knows whom, might be looking for another job next year. Here are a few suggestions.
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October, 2020
Doctor Sean Conley, President Trump’s “Dr. McDreamy” physician, seemed to be spinning for his boss, characterizing the clinically obese POTUS as “slightly overweight” in a Walter Reed briefing.
A misdiagnosis of truth? Spinning truth to serve oneself or another? You can decide from their real, tweaked or imagined quotes below whether these doctors, medical or not, are living out a Hippocratic or Hypocritical oath.
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September, 2020
Catchers, pitchers, and even fielders have been spotted during this shortened season pulling out CHEAT SHEETS. Traditionally, catchers would have been pancaked on a slide home, pitchers might have found themselves tracking a bunt down the first base line with runners ready to clean their clocks, and fielders, would have been low-bridged the next time up if they pulled out papers to remind themselves about analytics strategies.
Imagine, though, the CHEAT SHEETS iconic ballplayers, real and from the movies, might have pulled out to deal with their own issues in dramatic moments if CHEAT SHEETS had been common back in their day.
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August, 2020
Here’s Trump’s personal working list of prospective pardons, otherwise directed to political allies, FOX or other conservative media crony recommendations, celebrities, or Republicans.
The concluding section, including infamous personages from “deep-state conspiracy victims” Timothy McVeigh to Lee Harvey Oswald, ends: “Pardon Me! [“Always polite and thinking ahead”].
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July, 2020
Since only one President (Grover Cleveland, the 22nd and 24th President) has regained the office after losing a try for a second term, a sitting President defeated in a subsequent election invites a GRAVESTONE EPITATH of his administration and life in the public eye.
Too petulant to opt for the historical (King Arthur’s “Once and Future King”) or positive but benign (“I Did It My Way”), Trump would probably choose from one of the in-your-face epitaphs below, which others might counter with a simple, “Here LIES the Trump Administration: 2016-2020.”
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May, 2020
If rich and famous Americans, not used to direct handouts from the government (though used to indirect benefits such as whopping tax write-offs) received stimulus checks of up to $1200 like 83% of us, what would they have spent this “chump change” on to boost the economy and heed the call to recirculate the money?
A sampling of choices from those who bless the fact each day that taxable income gets derived primarily from wages and not from exempted interest, dividends, and capital gains.
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Trump’s Tchotchkes: White House Souvenir Shop / Going Out of Business Sale – Glossy News Satire
May, 2020
Tchotchkes are the perfect call for these Trump-era remnants making thoughtful America GRATE again.
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Beast Mode Now Slated to Speak Virtually to Princeton Grads: List of Other Celeb Grad Speeches Online – Glossy News Satire
April, 2020
When Princeton announced Marshawn Lynch of Beast Mode fame would speak to grads, other schools scrambled to attract headline-makers. They will give Universities a chance to tout gift-giving portals and in some cases suck up to their own grads who have made names for themselves. Here is a list of grad speech offerings and their tentative speech titles (Lynch’s is “Taking Care of Your Mentals and Chicken”).
Product Sponsorship of America’s Greatest Disasters | Points in Case
March, 2020
Is any publicity at all good publicity? Would Rogaine really want to be associated with Custer’s Last Stand?
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New Analytics for Baseball’s Post-Cheating-Scandal Era | Points in Case
February, 2020
Have you even heard of WAR, WHIP, xFIP, wRC+, BABIP? Check out these NEW Sabermetrics delights, special for the 2020 baseball season